What I am thinking.
what am i thinking?
Not too long ago, Jordan and I moved. We made it all of 4 streets up the hill before putting our things in a different home. It's a better home, in a lot of ways, most of which boil down to the fact that it's ours while our former home wasn't. One thing that hasn't changed with our move is our proximity to a large, beautiful local park. Hemlock, fir, and cedar. Blackberries, red huckleberries, and salmonberries. The moss, the river, and the mushrooms. I take walks through the park at lunchtime, looking for a long time at these things, loving that I get to be so close to nature each day. On the more stressful days at work, it's an irreplaceable break. And on one such day this past week, I wrote this. This afternoon
As I sat on my haunches above the mud and pine needles Examining a miniature grove of pearl-white mushrooms, Each no larger than the head of a pin, I listened to the continuous rumbling of the river. As I did, a tightness in my chest loosened, And I felt my stress ease, Something which I’d tried to initiate on my own all of the preceding morning. But that sound did it naturally. Considering a moment, it struck me that I’ve heard that low roar elsewhere, Not from a river, but from a newborn’s sound machine. I recall the infant’s mother telling me That it emulated the sound of the womb, Of ultimate comfort and safety. And here, beside the river, inspecting the mushrooms, I do feel safe. Almost as if the things that lie outside of the this forest don’t exist, That there is nothing on my desk to turn the screws buried in my heart. But they do, and there is. There always will be on this green earth. “Through painful toil you will eat food from it All the days of your life”, It’s been said. Perhaps this is the banished existence in the land east of Eden With no possible return to the white noise of our mythically-continuous peace. At least, not here and now, Even while stooping contemplatively over the mushrooms.
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