What I am thinking.
what am i thinking?
So I bought a house. Sort of. Jordan and I bought a house. Sort of. The bank and Jordan and I bought a house. Mostly, the bank bought a house. Congratulations bank. It is, in so many unwanted ways, a fixer, and while I'd certainly have liked to wait around for my loan officer to show up with rolled up sleeves and a baseball hat, I knew that I'd be going it alone. For the past months, I've been working full time from 7am to 4pm, leaving my duplex at 4pm to head to the house, working at the house until 8 or 9pm, then coming home to eat and sleep. Weekends have been the same, minus the fulltime job. It's been a foggy season. I've forgotten about a lot of things, and I've neglected a lot of things, a lot of people, and I have simultaneously felt quite alone. Boo hoo though, I guess. I'm a first-time homeowner in 2023, and that's a highly coveted position. A lot of folks in my generation don't get to own a home, and won't get to in all likelihood, unless some dramatic comet-KOs-dinosaurs-level change strikes the earth. Maybe that'll happen, or maybe I'll remain in the lucky unlucky minority. Either way, here's a poem that's been ringing in my head, driving me insane for months.
Blank stare. What was I doing? Not sure.. Right, patching holes. Resume blank stare. – Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. – What was I supposed to be doing? Was it priming the ceiling? No, I need a pole for that, So I’d have to go to Lowes first. Maybe it was rewiring the light switch? – Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. – That’s a lot of back and forth though And we’re running out of daylight. Plus I think I left the switch at home. Yeah, I did. Shoot. I do need that done before Thursday. – Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. – Get in the car, Trash bucket still the back. Seatbelt? No. Only four blocks. It’ll be quick. Just get the switch and come back. – DING-Ding. DING-Ding. DING-Ding. DING-Ding. DING-Ding. DING-Ding. – Blank stare. What am I doing? Wiring. Right. Is this wiring right? Resume blank stare. – DING-DING. DING-DING. DING-DING. DING-DING. DING-DING. DING-DING. – How is it already 9pm? Ag, I hurt. And I’m hungry. Time to drive home. I can meditate on the sound Of no seatbelt chiming.
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January 2023
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